Monday, November 09, 2015

Apartment Hunting in Miami Dade County's Eastern Corridor. By Geniusofdespair


In Coconut Grove you had better be rich. A decent modern apartment will cost you around $5,000 a month with a water view. I went to a real estate agent in the Grove and they wouldn't even bring me out with my budget of under $3,000. They told me to look on Craig's list. Meanwhile in the Herald today they said the average rental price was $1.98 per square foot. I want 1,300 square foot -- which would put me in the $2,574 range. NOT HAPPENING!

I come from New York City. I do like walking around a city. I am adverse to living downtown even though my ideal locations would be South of Margaret Pace Park and North of Arsht (or Brickell).  Why? I don't want to hear a plane fly over all the time. I already moved once because of airplane traffic. Does anyone downtown have really good windows (Maybe triple pane) that will block out the airplane sound? What building are you in?  I looked at the MIA traffic patterns and it is alarming how many planes are flying over and they are loud. Young ears must be accustomed to the sound -- IPods full blast, etc. By the way, I haven't been to Mary Brickell Village in a while and I didn't even recognize it.  There are a few places in my price range but gee, I don't want to wake up at 5 am. with a cargo plane lumbering over my building. They fly at night, cheaper. And don't say I will get used to it. I won't. I can't believe the air traffic in Wynwood, even though that is Miami's version of Soho, I can't live there even though it has gotten trendy.

Second, in a two bedroom in today's market, you are looking at 900 to 1,100 square feet. I went in one 1,100 square foot apartment and was shocked. I would have to get a divorce to fit. You have to be in your 20's with no stuff. I have stuff. Lots of stuff. Where would I put it all? I already pared down from a house to a townhouse of 1,600 square feet. I guess books are off limits. I don't know what to do with my inherited set of china and all the rest of my accumulated treasures. I collect rocks from my trips.  I need at least 1,300 square feet. In terms of new buildings, that is a 3 bedroom. I wonder if they count the terrace in the square footage? In the photos of  the older, larger apartments I can afford, I have actually seen the same kitchen cabinets I had in 1982, you know the ones, white with oak edges.

Why do I want to move? All my friends are down South and all the meeting I want to attend are down South. There is mass transit South. Not up here. I want to be a better  pseudo-reporter and I can't do it from my office. I need to experience it, see who is attending meetings because that is the key. I need to be where the action is and I hate driving in the God-awful traffic, now it is all day not just at rush hour. And, by now, you must all know I am lazy.

Find me a place to live where I can walk to a downtown. I would be a good tenant. I only have virtual pets, my dog Smokey and my cat Smokey.  I will only rent in a flood zone, not buy.

I just wrote my will. I said: Cremate me but make sure you put my ashes somewhere high.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

U could move to homestead, just make sure your concealed weapon card is up to date....


Geniusofdespair said...

Homestead? OMG, never. I would rather move to Jacksonville.

Anonymous said...

you are spot on about the airplane noise. I live in the roads, great block with huge tree cover in everyone's yards even tho we are just off coral way and near 12 ave. The plane noise is a killer, it becomes the absolute worst in the winter months when we get cold spells.

I have figured out that a north wind brings all the planes coming from who knows where directly lining up with the causeway and approach over the roads, like every 10 seconds.. cant enjoy the cool weather b/c of constant noise.

Geniusofdespair said...

I want to know where the airplane noise is NOT. But I welcome airplane noise complaints. Maybe these friggin' developers will invest in triple pane windows. Is everyone deaf downtown?

Anonymous said...

No plane noise here on the upper east side. You can still get a decent 2/1 house with a backyard for under $3k too.

Anonymous said...

jesus, $3,000 a month! You're loaded

Anonymous said...

You just gave me a billion dolls idea, ROOFTOP CEMETERIES, closer to heavens.

Anonymous said...

Even though you could rent three 2,000 square foot homes for your $3,000 HUDstead-a-locka has an Air Force base so there is no escaping the planes there.

Geniusofdespair said...

I said UNDER $3,000. There isn't much out there buddy. When did you buy your house in 1903? Prices have skyrocketed.

Geniusofdespair said...

No plane noise on the upper East side? That 's funny, you have a flight path over you.

Anonymous said...

I know you want to be south -- but what about Hollywood? it is not the end of the line - busses and trains to Miami and a trolley to the beach. Broward County may not be as crazy politically - but I KNOW you would find stuff to write about. Not sure about the airplane noise - avoid Dania but downtown Hollywood is not bad. Of course I lived under the flight path of LaGuardia - I mean right under. I could see the landing gear down and check out the people in the windows. Whatever you do - NOT HOMESTEAD!!!!

Geniusofdespair said...

Come on folks. Any quiet BUILDINGS DOWNTOWN when the sliders are closed?

Geniusofdespair said...

Hollywood? Never. I want to move closer to friends not further away.

Bread n' Butter said...

you sound like such a friggin complainer.

your needs are obviously going to be difficult to meet in a changing world.

if you've got so much stuff, store it. these are the standards of today's world.

you might be able to rent a house in gables, roads, or shenandoah and not have to deal with as much noise.

Anonymous said...

Coral Gables has the Children's Hospital helicopter flying over, when there's an emergency pickup, but not MIA airplanes. There's a lot of apartments geared for UM students so that age group may be another distracting noise. Both Coral Gables and South MIami are on the MetroRail line plus offer restaurants and entertainment. A whole condo village has sprung up around the Dadeland Mall, there's new construction on Coral Way and on 32nd Avenue. Drive around to find what feels right to you.

Anonymous said...

Come to the Gables, we'll find you something walkable.

Dave said...

Sounds like Coral Gables or South Miami would be more your cup of tea.

outofsight said...

You have to be SOUTH of Kendall Drive to be on the south part of the county. The greater land mass of the county is south of Kendall Dr. The greater number of voters used to be north of there. May have changed with all the houses they are building.

You gotta be east of the ridge runs North-south up the coast or past the palmetto expressway .... check out the flood maps.

Your favorite politician would have to tread water on east side. Which is really a thing I worry about.

Anonymous said...

Biscayne Corridor. NE 69th Street. Palm Bay Yacht Club and Palm Bay Condos and the Clipper all have condos for rent at $1,500 to $2,500 per month. With water views.

Zwoman said...

You are going to have to come a LOT farther west to get affordable.

Anonymous said...

Tough life of the 1% unable to find a $3,000/month apartment, while the rest of us are living paycheck to paycheck

MyamuhNative said...

I grew up in the North Grove. Airplane noise comes with the territory.
I think it might have been when they ran planes on 27 right runway that sent them over the grove and key biscayne.
Loud enough that you had to stop talking till the plane was gone.

Geniusofdespair said...

You probably have a mortgage pay check to paycheck. What do you pay? I will be using my house money. Work harder that is what a Republican will tell you... I suspect you are a union hater.... Jealous of their piece of the pie. That is why we have unions so you don't have to live paycheck to paycheck.

Anonymous said...

Paycheck to paycheck: renter and teachers union member. I can't qualify for a mortgage due to student loans. Not jealous, but don't expect sympathy for your situation. $3,000/month is way way way higher then the median for Miami Dade.

Geniusofdespair said...

I never said $3,000 a month I said under $3,000 a month. If you are still paying a student loan you are waaay younger than me. I have what is called: investments from years of hard work. I never asked for sympathy, where did I ask for sympathy. I was detailing the rental market and the plane traffic going over the high priced rentals and condos. Telling a story is just that, telling a story.

Anonymous said...

Paycheck is trying to get sympathy for his student loans. If he or she were smart he would have had a scholarship.

miaexile said...

get rid of the "stuff"." cull, cull, cull.
didnt the developers use impact doors and windows in all those new condo buildings?

Anonymous said...

Get rid of the stuff. You can't take it with you and no relatives want that rock collection. There are a lot of modest apts in the Gables. And within walking distance of downtown arts amenities and on the free trolley route that connects to Metrorail. Coral way to Brickell is another walkable urban option with access to mass transit. Ever consider Little Habana? New updated rental and condo buildings have airing up in last five years. Might be a cool option close to downtown.

Anonymous said...

Get rid of the stuff and move onto a boat! Then you can afford the Grove, waterfront!

snooker said...

Don't leave out the lovely florida city ,,,,, lol

Anonymous said...

Wow. Rents here are approaching, and exceeding, those in major metropolitan areas that have vibrant urban centers and also accessible public transportation. WTF is so great about our downtown and near downtown areas? Absolutely nothing.

If it weren't for my job I would be outta here in two shakes of a lambs tail.

Who is paying these rents? What do they do for a living?

Anonymous said...

There are cheaper house rentals in the Shenandoah area, but no downtown, only Little Havana. Also the North Gables has a few rentals, but just know they might not be in great condition, and you're not within easy walking distance of downtown. Everything else is out of your price range, I know because we just did what you're doing last summer, and were so shocked by the rental prices that we're thinking of leaving So. Florida.