Friday, April 03, 2015

Leaked memorandum on fake protesters at water management district: shocking evidence that politicians are covering up use of unemployed actors to advance Big Sugar's agenda … by gimleteye

Yesterday paid actors from Broward County appeared at the water management district pretending to be a fake political party (The Tea Party) where they mounted a protest to stop the rescue plan for the Everglades involving the purchase by the state of lands owned by Big Sugar.

Last night a Miami lobbyist claiming to represent US Sugar leaked the following memorandum. "Why," I asked, "would you leak a memo that is damaging to yourself and to your competitor?" The source replied, "Yesterday's actors were from Broward County. There are more unemployed actors in Miami, and we have more voters too."

I was puzzled. "So you are trying to do something good for unemployed Miami actors even if it hurts your employer?"

"We think Miami needs to be more respected, and when all the facts are out, that our unemployed actors ought to be given preference. We just want people to know the truth, to have the facts, and we think that is important. This is an outrage."

(Note to uninformed readers about the following fake leaked memo: Florida Crystals is the main "competitor" of US Sugar. Competitor is a fake description of their relationship: what they really comprise is a cartel.)

Memo To: (Unnamed principal shareholders), Florida Crystals

Dear Sirs,

By way of introduction I would like to bring your attention to myself and fellow Broward County actors who recently completed an event for US Sugar Corporation. Mr. Bob Buker suggested we contact you and I am sure he will give us a stellar recommendation.

We are performers who accept cash in exchange for services. In the US Sugar instance, we were tasked to act like Tea Party members protesting a plan to save the Everglades. We worked at the water district in Palm Beach from 8 until about 4 PM, carried signs, chanted slogans, and I am happy to report we generated a ton of press for your cause. I think you will agree we were cost effective, too. Each actor only received $75 for the day of work (it would be higher if we worked as union rates, but that would be more costly for you so we prefer cash.)

In case you would like to hire me, please let me offer you some additional resume building information.

My father was a Congressional staffer for most of his life before moving to Florida. In 2000 he played a small role in the happy resolution of the Gore v. Bush controversy in Florida.

When the MIami-Dade ballot recount seemed to be moving forward, my father was tasked with organizing younger staffers to fly to Miami (mostly GOP but there were a few Democrats, too) and act like angry local protesters. He made flight arrangements to Miami and hotel accommodations in order to make sure the media knew there was "overwhelming support" for halting the recount and saving America. I was pretty young at the time, and they told us not to tell any reporters where we came from (DC), but I thought it was really cool how a few people can influence the course of history.

I'm not saying I can do that for you too, but I can now say with confidence that my father's passion and organizational ability is my own. So if you need media attention by paid protesters, I am available for hire to provide organization and security that no one knows you are involved.

Just to give you some idea, I offer these rates for future protests. (Of course, negotiable.) First of all, my actor / friends do charge $75 per hour. But if there is more than one event and less than five events, we only charge $70 per hour. After five events, maybe you could throw in a trip for me and my girlfriend to Casa de Campo like you do for the Congressmen (hah, hah. what happens in the DR, stays in the DR!) J/K.

Anyhow, now that we've had a taste of sugar, we can't wait for more.

Sincerely at your service,


Anonymous said...

Is it $75 per day as you state above or $75 per hour as stated in the alleged memorandum?

Anonymous said...

Are you sure it is not a belated April Fools joke? If true someone should sue the fuck out of whoever did the hiring for such a gross deception.

Anonymous said...

This is almost as bad as the unions paying the occupy protesters.

Not quite though.

Anonymous said...

Check out this segment by The Young Turks on the "protestors".