Sunday, December 09, 2012

Army Corps Philosophy is: DON'T Kiss. By Geniusofdespair

Conversation overheard at an Army Corps of Engineer's office.
No Government agency uses more acronyms than the Army Corps. The practice makes most of their long-winded documents unreadable. Apparently the only acronym that the Army Corps of Engineers does NOT ascribe to is: KISS  or "Keep It Simple Stupid". I looked randomly on the Army Corps Website and took 3 unrelated paragraphs to give you a taste of Army Corps speak:
The Service supports the BBCW Project NER Plan and the TSP as a first step in restoring the near shore waters of southwestern Biscayne Bay and the adjacent tidal wetlands. Even though the spatial extent envisioned by the Central and Southern Florida Comprehensive Review Study will not be realized by the NER Plan or the TSP, the redistribution of freshwater from harmful point source discharges to a more natural flow across the tidal wetlands to nearshore bay waters should improve habitat conditions in the project area. (Acronyms.)
The objectives of USACE’s scenario-based strategic planning exercise were to foster strategic thinking among senior leaders, create a culture that supports a strategic perspective, and produce a strategic plan that accounts for future uncertainties. The major outcome of this process was a set of six cross-cutting strategies that are robust across all scenarios, USACE business programs, and market segments. Collectively, these cross-cutting strategies comprise the elements of an Overarching Strategy, Integrated Water Resources Management, and provide the means to successfully accomplish the USACE Civil Works mission.  (In one paragraph they use the word, or form of the word, 'strategy' 7 times).
Perform, or cause to be performed, any investigations for hazardous substances that are determined necessary to identify the existence and extent of any hazardous substances regulated under the Comprehensive Environmental Response, Compensation, and Liability Act (CERCLA), 42 USC 9601-9675, that may exist in, on, or under lands, easements or rights-of-way necessary for the construction and operation and maintenance (O&M) of the Project; except that the non-Federal sponsor shall not perform such investigations on lands, easements, or rights-of-way that the Government determines to be subject to the navigation servitude without prior specific written direction by the Government.  (This paragraph is one sentence).
Now picture trying to read a report with sometimes 40 or 50 pages of this. Worse: sitting in on an Army Corps meeting is pure torture.

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