Thursday, July 12, 2012

The 10 Top Re-uses for Parrot Jungle? ... by gimleteye

Readers: add your own suggestions. The winner will be pulled from a hat at an upcoming joint meeting of the City and County Commissions.

1) A federal minimum security prison. Florida has the highest rate of public corruption prosecutions in the nation, and its most populous county -- Miami-Dade -- could provide a "room with a view".

2) A theme park for "Flipper". Florida's iconic TV mascot, Flipper, deserves his own theme park. Why not use the proximity to mullet, to celebrate our marine friend.

3) A homeless shelter for sex offenders. Use the limited access to the Parrot Jungle to segregate sex offenders from society (cf. use as minimum security prison, above.)

5) Worker housing for Fisher Island. This convenient location is much closer than Little Haiti.

6) A Romero Britto Museum. Don't be a hater. Art is the answer.

7) A Center for Government Ethics. The advantages of being close to County Hall mean that not a lot of time would be wasted.

8) A Velodrome or venue for roller derby teams.

9) A basketball arena. Miami has two. What other third tier US city has three?

10) The Basketball Hall of Fame. Why should Springfield, Massachusetts -- one of the most depressed areas of the country -- have the Hall of Fame? It holds back the sport. We are Asia's gateway to the Americas. Bring the Hall of Fame where it can be seen.


Anonymous said...

How about an Ice Arena like that tried in North Miami on the old "super fund" site - another boondoggle which never seems to go away.

We could move the Panters here, so no one will attend the games like the empty Marlins stadium! I don't know many in Broward who likes to cross the County line in to this Banana Republic of corruption and unlicensed, uninsured drivers - who don't know how to drive if they do have a legal license!

We could have figure skating lessons there to fulfill the empty space when they're not playing or practicing. I'd even pay to watch some of the less coordinated learn to skate like watching the inexperienced boater launch from Black Point Marina!

A good time could be had by all!

Or, what about the "water theme park" that's been talked about for a dozen years in Florida City. Another venture to no where!

Let me think some more. I'm sure I have a few more "fun" ideas which the taxpayers will end up paying for and bailing out!

And, of course, all of the above will need a 50 year lease and more land with County & City taxes being used to cover the deficit and lack of rental income from the monetary losses!

Anonymous said...

A ski resort like they have in Dubai, powered as a demonstration project by FPL Nuclear.

Anonymous said...

A parking lot for concurrency downtown.

Anonymous said...

I think you are onto something. How about a Hall of Fame for Shallow Celebrities. Miami perfect. Think of the induction ceremony. Thomas Kramer, host. Produced by Emilio Estafan. Pharrell performs with P Diddy. Lifetime achievement award: the Kardashian sisters. Best TV shot in Miami. Best film shot in Miami (Something About Mary). You get the drift. Hey COULDN'T DO WORSE THAN THE PARROT JUNGLE.

Anonymous said...

Funded by the Knight Foundation?

Atlas Gurgled said...

A climate change museum/theme park. It's a wet world, after all.

Geniusofdespair said...

Homeless shelter, good idea!!

Gimleteye said...

Hmmm... climate change/ museum theme park. Hadn't thought of that! (Need my second cup of coffee.)

Squathole said...

Good post.

The Center for Government Ethics would require about as much space as the Italian War Heroes Hall of Fame.

Anonymous said...

If the climate change theme park was there, you could have a welcome video by US Senator Marco Rubio?

Anonymous said...

A nudist park.

Anonymous said...

Not a bad idea. Arison has billions. Let him pay off Springfield that needs the money. a basketball hall of fame in miami would be a big draw. all the homies on the way to the beach would stop off.

Anonymous said...

A new TB hospital. To make up for the one Florida Governor Rick Scott shut down at the time when TB cases are on the increase.

If there's no money to treat the sick because the Governor won't fund medicaid and patients perish, we could use the grounds for burials.

Anonymous said...

Duh! The new Miami Beach convention center! Plenty of parking, meeting space, and access to the Port of Miami through the tunnel. Shuttles to Miami Beach and downtown Miami hotels. Perfect! Since Miami will be under water from sea level rise within a generation, best to use existing structures and live out their lifespan.

Anonymous said...

How about Shiver's "Ghost Town, South"

Anonymous said...

Should be converted back to state land and reopened as a State Park. This wouldn't be the first time a failed Florida attraction reopens as a state park - Rainbow Springs in Dunnellon is a great example.

Rainbow Springs once had a zoo, a rodeo, a guesthouse, monorail, gondolas - and now is a beautiful natural park open to the public.

Watson Island was state owned land given to the City of Miami for "public purposes." To accommodate Jungle Island, the City asked the State of Florida to waive that deed restriction to turn it over to this money-losing enterprise that has cost taxpayers instead of generating revenue.

Right this wrong on the public and return it to public uses.In Miami, where tourism is king - a state park attraction - reasonably priced - would benefit locals and tourists alike. It's a public amenity.
This is the perfect site for a Natural History museum - you could even through in a new magnet high school if you'd like - to complement the charter school across the way at Miami Children's Museum.
Lots of good, public uses - if only the public officials considered public benefits instead of private profits for our common.

Hoss said...

A debtors prison and a foreclosure halfway house -- a complex of owers.

Anonymous said...

Open the new "latin american Stock Exchange" on the site. Compete with Nasdaq and NYSE. An exchange with a view. Bring much needed jobs to the area and attract investors from all over the world.

Anonymous said...

A museum for Lynda Bell's Confederate Flag collection.

Sailboards Miami Water Sports said...

A water plant to stop the constant leak, $$$.

Anonymous said...

A library for Lynda Bell's book.

Bill said...

"A homeless shelter for sex offenders."

Across the street from the Children's Museum????

Brilliant idea!

Anonymous said...

Parrot Jungle is the perfect venue for Commissioners to practice their hearings and debates prior to the ones held at the city hall, of course with lobbyists directing

Anonymous said...

Monty Python
Dead Parrot Sketch

Mr. Praline: look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

Anonymous said...

You really have to attend a county commission meeting and listen to one of their big policy debates to know how accurate it is, to compare Monty Python with what goes on.

Anonymous said...

"You really have to attend a county commission meeting and listen to one of their big policy debates to know how accurate it is, to compare Monty Python with what goes on."

This is one of the truest statements I've read in a while! Add in Souto going on about whatever as well.

Thanks for giving me a giggle!

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Springfield MA is worst off than Liberty City? I think not, as one who lives in both cities Springfield may look bad but its stats are actually better than the "hood" here in Miami-Dade county, plus almost 400 years old (est 1636) its got a lot of age on us. Believe me, MA deserves the Basketball HOF more than we do.