Thursday, July 10, 2014

LeBron to Announce Decision at United Nations … by gimleteye

I've had more difficulty adjusting to the LeBron news cycle in the Miami Herald than even the David Beckham cycle. With Beckham's plan to seek permits and land for a stadium where soccer would be played twenty six days a year, the undercurrents seethed with powerful lobbyists and insiders who specialize in turning the pockets of taxpayers, inside out. In the case of the Miami Heat -- except for Parcel B the damage is done. Now with LeBron we are just talking diversionary distractions. Remember Shaq? Not so much anymore.

Note to the Herald editors: with all the confounding news to absorb, why spend more than a column inch on a physically-gifted individual who excels at a game involving a ball tossed through a raised metal ring?

At least, the New Yorker's Andy Borowitz found a way to get 'nothing but net' from the faux controversy:

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) N.B.A. superstar LeBron James said Tuesday morning that he would announce the name of the team that he is signing with on Thursday at a special session of the United Nations General Assembly to be convened especially for that purpose.

“This decision affects everyone on the planet,” James said. “I want to let all the nations on Earth know at the same time.”

An emergency meeting of the U.N. Security Council on Tuesday was deadlocked on the issue, with seven members wanting James to remain in Miami, seven others hoping for a return to Cleveland, and Lithuania abstaining.

The Miami Heat president, Pat Riley, and the Cleveland Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert, both confirmed that they would be in the audience at the United Nations to hear James announce his decision. “I’m not going to lie: I wish he’d tell me in advance,” Riley said. “But I guess I’ll have to wait to hear along with Russia, China, Ecuador, and everybody else. That’s the way LeBron wants it.”

To help him with his decision, the N.B.A. star has assembled an esteemed circle of advisers, including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and the scientist Stephen Hawking, all of whom are expected to be in attendance for the United Nations announcement.

The U.N. General Secretary, Ban Ki-moon, acknowledged on Tuesday that the world body had many other issues on its plate, including conflicts in the Middle East and Ukraine, but added, “It’s really hard to focus on anything until we know where LeBron is going.”


Geniusofdespair said...

Can't wait!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm traveling right now and disconnected from local and national news -- except checking in occasionally with EOM. (Sidebar -- thank you G.O.D. and gimleteye.). I desperately hope this post is a big farcical joke. If it isn't, we really are going to hell in a handbasket.

Anonymous said...

I'm hoping that he stays and becomes another
Alonzo Mourning. It's great to see these people give back to our community. Many of these players are great fathers and role models for our kids. I hope they all stay for that, not just to win championships. Now if only the football players could clean up their acts!

sundayniagara said...

Who cares about a 7 foot freak show?

Anonymous said...

Love the Borowitz column. I have been a LeBron fan since he made his last announcement but this is getting ridiculous.

He has enough money for the next 20 generations, he is leaving his teammates hanging, as well as stalling the rest of free agency.

Make the damned announcement already.

Anonymous said...

A grown man being paid over $20 million to pay a kid's game! Whose idea of a community leader is this? Give me a teacher, a fireman, a cop- you know the ones losing their jobs- those are ones that give back. Let this rich overpaid lad take his money and sickness elsewhere.