Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Lynda Bell's Carrot Juice Caper Did not Have Legs. Wrong Resolution for Pepe Diaz. By Geniusofdespair

Lynda Bell, Prime Sponsor

It was a hot cold morning in Homestead, 72 degrees. Lynda Bell was sweatered-up sitting alone in the Whistle Stop Restaurant having her fiber supplement. All the pink slime she had been eating in her loose meat sandwiches had done a number on her elimination.

Her husband  Mark, for an added treat, mixed Lynda's fiber with carrot juice. Lynda Bell was alarmed because the carrot juice made the fiber clump up. She tried to drink it but it was vile. She mixed it furiously with a spoon but it clumped more and got thicker. Never one to shy against self-serving legislation, Lynda Bell gave the carrot juice and fiber a lot of thought as she, in her usual manner, wanted revenge against them. If she banned carrot juice a lot people in her district would be mad at her,  especially the farmers, but who could get mad at banning fiber, it is so gritty and unlikable. She decided her target would be the fiber and not the carrot juice. She came out fighting.

She brought her resolution against fiber to committee but couldn't get a second. Pepe Diaz, another self serving politician, said he needed the fiber to keep his weight down as his colon was operating at half speed and he admitted he was plugged up big-time, he suggested Lynda just drink her fiber with water. (Note to readers: don't stand downwind of Pepe). Lynda Bell could not garner a second on her resolution no matter how she pleaded. She was angry at Pepe and put him in her mental pocket of people to get back at (big pocket).

Lynda Bell was not defeated by any means, she then scheduled a trip to Tallahassee to do an end run around the County Commission. She heard that Rep. Erik Fresen also has a hate for fiber and carrot juice and Bell has decided to work through him because he is another self-serving politician. Meanwhile, Mark Bell has stopped serving carrot juice and can be found cowering in the corner of the Whistlestop when Lynda stops in for breakfast. It is rumored that Lynda has resorted to bran flakes with prunes for now and is off the pink slime additive in her meat (she was the only commissioner to vote for it to be served) until after the election August 26th.

(Lynda has done most of  the maneuvers described in this fable, except it wasn't fiber that took the hit).


Pete said...

I always thought that anything that was going on in Lynda Bells life made it to the Commission, that's why there were so many off the wall resolutions. Most likely this has a lot more truth in it then we suspect.

Anonymous said...

Oddly amusing.

Anonymous said...

I would be cowering too if I was Linda's husband.

Anonymous said...

Never has someone used her post as mayor and commissioner so blatantly. I remember that end run in Tallahassee but it was with Miguel Diaz de la Portilla I think

Anonymous said...

I would support this resolution. I have often choked on fiber supplements they are a menace and should be banned.

PPK said...

Maybe missy commissioner should try gummie bear fiber chews?

Yes, Gen, Lynda does have a B-I-G shipping container
(definitely not pocket-size) of people to make miserable.

Unfortunately for us, she has more time than she needs to make us miserable, and her constituents don't mind as long as she gets them their turkeys, book bags and other free stuff.

Anonymous said...

I always stand upwind of Pepe.

Anonymous said...

Who doesn't? I also stay far from Lynda. I don't want to get on her wrong side. I remember what she did to Judy Waldman.

Anonymous said...

Judy Waldman is one of the bravest women I know. She sat on a City Council with Lynda as Mayor and her five faithful pit bulls. For two years Judy was attacked at every meeting. Lynda was so frustrated that she had one of her minions produce a death video on Judy called Suicide Blond. Don't believe me, google it. Judy was fighting the fight of her life with Breast Cancer at the time.

The video was to the song Bye, Bye, Bye and her life was shown in pictures with a dead body at the end. Channel 6 news reported that the video was her obituary.

A restraining order was issued against Lynda's buddy, to her dismay.

Mrs. Waldman was steadfast, kept her calm and let Lynda and her pit bulls destroyed themselves. Ultimately, their reelection was held in 2009 and they were defeated.

Don't ever underestimate Lynda Bell ! When she feels threatened she will do anything and I mean anything to win. She will stop at nothing, just ask Judy.