Handmaid's Tale. By Geniusofdespair

Photoshop Original! I am getting good.

Canadian Margaret Atwood wrote the book Handmaid's Tale in 1985. Hardly plausible then. However, now? Seems so likely. Touched a nerve. I recommend it. The Emmy award winning series is worth the watch.

 I bought it and watched the entire season on my phone during the hurricane aftermath. It is a very intimate series and I thought the way I viewed it was just perfect. I used headphones and had the Iphone resting on my chest.  Cinematographer Colin Watkinson should be put on a pedestal. It is poetic and austere. Elisabeth Moss is amazing in the series. Better than Game of Thrones? I liked it better. But then after 7 seasons Throne's plot can get worn. Same can be said of the Walking Dead's 7 seasons.

Silicon Valley is My Favorite Show on TV. By Geniusofdespair

The hapless computer nerds on Silicon Valley make me laugh more than any other show. I especially like the forever feuding Software and Hardware specialists (see 9:30 on video). The third season of this HBO series is just beginning (Sunday at 10pm). You can catch up with binge watching but note it is x rated.

This is a link to a Compilation video of funny moments.  I especially like the 4:50 sequence.

TV Critic Hank Stuever said:

Mike Judge’s “Silicon Valley” (premiering Sunday night on HBO) is a blunt, delicious example of how to have it both ways, being hilarious while offering a fair indictment of an entire culture. It’s a precise, sharply executed sendup of the high-tech, billionaire-making culture and economy of Facebook/Google/Apple/Amazon/Yahoo that has infiltrated (“disrupted,” as they say) contemporary life. Better still, “Silicon Valley” is also here to make you laugh.

HBO The Leftovers: Best television drama of 2015 ... by gimleteye

(Posted originally on 12/4.) On Dec. 10, HBO announced the return of the "Leftovers" for a third season. Season 2, that recently aired its finale, departed from the plot of the book by co-producer and writer, Tom Perrota. If you are not familiar with the series, go back and start at the beginning.

NPR's Terry Gross interviewed the creators of the best drama on television, HBO's "The Leftovers" recently.  She agreed: the show deserves a third season. As usual, Gross helps the show's writers tell the compelling story and background.

In its first season, the show never quite found its footing. Interesting but too often like watching a teenager learn to swim. It took a lot of work for the writers to detail a world with its own rules: one that seems like ours but in which two percent of the population mysteriously disappear in a moment. In the first season, we watched the characters respond to exposition.

Show runner and co-producer Damon Lindelof ("Lost") explains that in season two, the writers pivoted into new geography, opening the drama in ways never covered by the novel.

Freed from the book's story line, the shows creators -- Perrota joined by the writer behind "Lost", Damon Lindelof -- delivered.

The long-form television drama has yielded some spectacular gems in recent years, from "Sopranos", to "Deadwood", "The Wire", "Six Feet Under", "Mad Men", and "Breaking Bad". "The Leftovers" is not quite there, but in its flashes of brilliance this season, gives fans hope that, indeed, season three will soon be on its way. And it is!

Justin Theroux (shown with Darby Camp) deals with the grief and mystery of being left behind in season 2 of the HBO series, The Leftovers.

I got a $31 flight so I am gone for almost a week. By geniusofdespair

Amuse yourselves with the Miami Herald pseudo-editorial page.


And....GLENN BETTER NOT BE DEAD. It was bad enough we lost Beth.

We will find out for sure for sure tomorrow even though we saw the Walking Dead eating him in the last episode. Ooops, spoiler alert. I don't think they could be eating his intestines and that he could still have his eyes open and be so alert. Besides I saw more fear in his eyes than pain. I think they were eating the fellow who fell on top of him. I hope I am right.

Celebreties Reading Mean Tweets About Themselves on Jimmy Kimmel. By Geniusofdespair

Watch on YouTube

How to fix the TV show "Fear of the Walking Dead". By Geniusofdespair

To fix "Fear of the Walking Dead": Have the entire cast get eaten except Ruben Blades. This has to be the worst casting in the history of zombie shows. I am wishing for a feast by the dead especially of the lead actor. And, that is the most unconvincing drug addict I have ever seen and so is the family's reaction to him.

John Stewart on Donald Trump's Candidacy and Other Candidates. By Geniusofdespair

The Daily Show
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook,Daily Show Video Archive

Eye On Miami Saturday Editorial Page June 13th: Rubio, Homestead and TAXES. By Geniusofdespair

We dare to go where the Miami Herald goes no more...Saturday!!

TV REVIEW

I have to recommend my favorite show. You can binge watch it on HBO. You only missed two short seasons: Silicon Valley (a half hour show).

I like the posture of the star of Penny Dreadful but the plot is stupid and you have seen it before.  Enough of TV, I have to get out more. Back to local news...

SEEN ON THE STREET (ACTUALLY IN THE OFFICE)

Mayor Carlos Gimenez and chief county Sycophant Lester Sola in a man hug. Why is the Water and Sewer head going to Paris with Carlos. Reward for good behavior?

Here he is with David Rivera when in the Florida Legislature.

OMG IS RUBIO's CAMPAIGN DONE, AT LEAST  FOR WOMEN?

I need details people so far touched by rumor:  I heard on Chris Matthews that Jeb supported a very stupid law in 2001that made it mandatory for a woman who wanted to put a child up for adoption to put a notice in the newspaper for a week and name her partners etc. to do the adoption. Very embarrassing stuff for a woman to do before she let her child be adopted. On the show they slammed Jeb on it. But I heard Marco Rubio sponsored it. Woof, worse!!! Whatever he said at the time (2001) is gold to end his campaign and display his war against women...Marco Rubio was in the State House at the time and voted for it. Did he sponsor the Scarlet Letter Bill? Details readers, I need details.

HOMESTEAD:

What is a week without news from beloved Homestead? They want to approve a mail in ballot on their stupid idea to skirt term limits.

Will Porter, Burgess, Shelley and Waldman will recuse themselves since they have already served in the capacity of Vice-Mayor and this ballot initiative will allow each of them to serve another four year term with annual benefits of at least $40,000.

In essence it is a council vote worthy of $160,000 for possibly four council members for a grand total of $640,000. Plus another $70,000 in unbudgeted costs for the County to run this election.  It is scheduled for a vote on June 17th (was deferred). Isn't this a 3 subject vote all in one --- in violation of State Law?

Oh well, it's HUDstead they are lawless.    

(Note: scroll below this, a County TAX discussion follows)

Special Election Homestead Florida

YOUR TAXES ARE BEING RAISED BY THE COUNTY BECAUSE THE MAYOR TRIED TO HIDE INCREASED COSTS THAT HE CAN NO LONGER ABSORB IN THE BUDGET:

Thousands of you, maybe tens of thousands (enough to swing the 2016 vote to Raquel Regalado for Mayor) of you are getting your taxes raised. Your special taxing district cost will almost double.

Your community might have had lighting done through the county or you have a guard gate supported by the county.  The costs have held steady artificially (at Mayor Gimenez's bequest - he is the strong mayor) since 2011 now there is going to be a substantial raise to all of you in a special taxing district.  The hearing is on June 30th.  There have been pages of notices in the Newspaper. So, if you think that Mayor Gimenez has held your taxes at bay, he might have been robbing Peter to pay Paul these last few years and now the shit is hitting the fan. Read the 2  blogs about this subject and don't blame Tok. He is only a rejected Words with Friends word  -- not an actual person that should be blamed -- (here are the two articles on it) we have a strong mayor to blame, the man at the top:

Eye On Miami Saturday Editorial Page June 6th. By Geniusofdespair

Miami Herald's loss is our gain when they gave up on a Saturday Editorial Page

The Week In Review by Gimleteye

We've covered some rough subjects this week: Big Sugar, cancer clusters, Parcel B, Art Teele, so let's this Saturday ask the question: why in the world does anyone tolerate our FCC licensed airwaves to be clogged with faces and people who have done absolutely nothing to distinguish themselves. And the news parroting the news about some family with 19 kids ... WTF is wrong with this country?

It's not just the Duggers who I've spent exactly one minute of my life even thinking about. This horrendous urge to distract ourselves with the meaningless is the madness of a culture that has utterly lost its bearings.

The eyeball wearies. The purveyors of entertainments are competing with what? Pornography on the internet? We are all racing to the bottom like crabs scampering off a rock that's suddenly been exposed.

What this trend tells me is that dystopian films like Mad Max, the Divergent Series, or whatever else there is are onto something. That manufactured entertainments have always been part of popular culture in the West is indisputable.

The Week in Review by Geniusofdespair

What about the Housewives of (take your pick)? Aren't they worthy of mention. Vapid is the word...and big tits.

In a game of musical chairs, Alice Bravo, City of Miami Assistant Manager, might replace Ysela Llort for County Transit Chief. Did you see or hear about a job search, I didn't hear about a job search being conducted.

Two Mayors are feuding: Miami Dade County Mayor Carlos Gimenez with terse exchanges to City of Miami Beach Mayor Philip Levine (who has been mocking the expensive waterfront nail clipper building the County is partly funding). Note to Carlos, Levine is ten times more clever and can take you in any pissing match. Don't try to bully him. Be polite.  I suppose Carlos Gimenez is also  feuding with City of Miami Mayor Tomas Regalado who is suing the County over funding the Nail Clipper Building. The city had a referendum and said in it there would be no PUBLIC funding then after the stupid public approved it, the County then came up with $9 Milllion to  fund it. Colossal waste of money.

Skyrise the Nail Clipper.

Live Long and Prosper. By Geniusofdespair

Goodbye Spock.

Great Television: HBO True Detective, IFC Spoils of Babylon … by gimleteye

Throughout the landmark series "Cheers", I was indifferent to Woody Harrelson, in the bar section. My view changed with the 1994 electrifying "Natural Born Killers". Now, I'm a huge fan. Similarly I was indifferent to the young Matthew McConaughey about the same time as my Woody Harrelson conversion twenty years ago. I thought: there's a Woody Harrelson wannabe. And he was. Both actors carry themselves with a similar unthinking masculinity masked by the incidental drawl from the South; strong but indeterminate guys who don't yield their secrets easily. Talk about doppelgängers.

Over the years, as both these fine actors evolved, I hoped they might be cast together in the same film or television series. In "Dallas Buyers Club", McConaughey was a marvel. Now -- with HBO "True Detective" -- Harrelson is determined to catch up, in spite of his age disadvantage. It aint' easy! The two cast sparks off each other's performance in a way that is very rare on television. If you haven't watched "True Detective" yet; run to it. If you have, mourn the news that next season of "True Detective" promises an entirely different cast.

IFC "Spoils of Babylon" is a less obvious choice for the season's great television. It's vamping on a scale I've never seen on TV before, and I'd love it for that alone. Another of my favorite actors, Tim Robbins, teams with lead Toby Maguire playing opposite Kirsten Wiig, obsessed with her brother. In the background lurks the pseudo-nonymous writer/ producer / director, Will Ferrell playing an Orson Welles-to-type.

Given the massive volume of television drama over the years, give credit where it is due. "Spoils" is an original. Shot on a low budget, "Spoils" is extraordinarily elegant -- mixing low brow, high brow, and everything in between so long as the colors don't match -- , combining camp with period details from the early days of television drama. For boomers of a certain age (dating myself, again), we remember television in the late 1950's and acting styles that evolved from the hyperbolic performances of movies in the 1930's and 1940's, wordiness anchored by the strictures of silent film.

"Spoils of Babylon", from this point of view, is a critical delight. While fuss has been made of Ferrell's Welles, the obese, bloviator who was a genius in his early career before turning over to game show appearances, that's just window-dressing. I particularly like Kirsten Wiig, who hits all the comedic notes in perfect key. When I grow up, I want to be her brother.

Breaking Bad: the End. By Geniusofdespair

I never watched the beginning or middle of Breaking Bad. I just started viewing 3 weeks ago. I have been watching the shows in marathon and have caught about 15 episodes.  Don't bother me tonight, I am watching the finale.  Couldn't be any worse than LOST. After Lost I am reluctant to follow shows-- I will not get burned again.  I will just watch the end of shows and be satisfied. I don't quite understand how they got that nice new meth lab, I jumped from the trailer to the new lab (missed a bunch of shows). But I was glad to see Chick-fil-A involved. Or was that another chicken chain? All I know about Meth now is that you get black teeth and it should be sea blue...or else.

Jim Defede Asks Hard Questions on Dolphins Corporate Welfare. By Geniusofdespair

Loved Facing South Florida's Jim DeFede interview this morning with Mike Dee from the Marlin's (well that is embarrassing, what was I thinking?) and Rodney Barreto (lobbyist and Superbowl Committee shill) . This video is just of one question Jim DeFede asked -  about why only Miami Dade County would be contributing toward the Dolphin stadium upgrades and not Broward.  What a lame answer. Dee said he would REQUEST that all the activities that were in Broward last Superbowl be centered in Miami Dade County.  Sounds like bullshit to me "REQUEST". We pay and Broward benefits. All the arguments were lame. DeFede hammered Dee on why the team owner isn't supporting a referendum. Out of time he says, DeFede didn't let up.

DeFede also has a clip with Norman Braman giving his argument against the rquested tax financing. He made some good points, one billionaire to another.

After watching the show and hearing that Marlins Spokesman Mike Dee say they wanted taxpayer money to do upgrades to the stadium's lighting, etc. I began to think about poor Macy's. Why should they have to pay to fix their lighting, their elevators etc.  They benefit the community.  What would the County Commission do if Macy's held Miami hostage and said they would leave the community if we didn't pay for their upgrades? Where does it stop?

The whole show is a half hour. Jim DeFede is hard hitting. Watch the WHOLE show.

Say Goodbye to Fringe. By Geniusofdespair

I was hopelessly lost watching Fringe on TV over the years. Walter was the reason I watched it.  He was senile in one dimension (or was it another reality or future/past) and not in the other. Then something else happened and Walter was smart and senile Walter disappeared.  Anyway, I watched it about 10 times in 5 years so I didn't get the tulip in the final scene but I liked the show sort of. I just didn't want to get invested in another J.J. Abrams show after "Lost's" horrible ending. Only Tim Kring disappointed me more with "Heroes" - that show became unwatchable and sputtered out. Did it ever have a final show?

I had my nephew, a regular viewer, on hand to text me during commercials to answer my questions during the final episode of Fringe.  I asked my nephew about the flower. He said it was a message from Walter that the plan worked. I didn't have the heart to ask him "what plan?" Yes, I know -- reset time. But don't know what that meant to September or August or the rest of the months, to Fringe or to me.

Gimleteye's Best TV Shows of 2012

On most days and at most times, there are hundreds of TV channels with nothing worth watching. This year, in 2012, I was mildly interested in the proliferation of cheap-to-make, easy-to-view special interest reality TV shows, from ducks to forest cutters, on distant channels. They are carrier medium for advertisement, just like the networks, and no doubt made someone very wealthy. But the top shows of 2012, all on viewer-paid cable channels, are dramas that push the medium to new heights. It is extraordinarily difficult to accomplish what the best of the dramas have done. In important ways, they have altered the landscape of what we pay for in entertainment and how we pay, and they challenge the hour and a half Hollywood movie format for dollars and attention.

Five long-form TV dramas are at the top of my list. They all appear on cable channels. In the Honorable Mention category, I take a look at the funniest shows of the year: also on cable. What distinguishes the torpor of network TV? With "Walking Dead" and its other successes, AMC proves that corporate advertisers flock to quality. Anyhow, here are my top five and honorable mentions.

And, Speaking of the Miami Herald...by Geniusofdespair

Gimleteye wrote about the Miami Herald so I thought I would too. Glenn Two N Garvin, their right-wing columnist slash TV critic wrote a biting review of the made for TV movie about Elizabeth Taylor. Garvin starts out with:

"Liz & Dick, Lifetime’s movie about the tempestuous relationship between Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, contains a dumbfoundingly stupid moment near its beginning. Well, it has a lot of dumbfoundingly stupid moments, about 127 minutes’ worth, near the beginning, middle, end and continuing into the nightmarish flashbacks you will suffer for days after viewing it until you sink to your knees in prayer for the sweet bliss of death."

Curious to see where he was going with this review, I turned to the follow-up page as directed (yes I am one of the dinosaurs that still gets the newspaper). Guess what? No Garvin. The Miami Herald finally cut him off. Mistake or Freudian slip?

HBO "The Newsroom" ... by gimleteye

Aaron Sorkin's "The Newsroom" is a well-organized, professional mess. Nevertheless, the show was recently renewed for a second season, after the airing of the second episode. HBO lurches from feast to famine and sometimes from famine to famine as appears to be the case, here.

The premise, a network news anchor at a cable channel struggling between telling the truth or gaming ratings, is not remotely believable. Sorkin apparently wants to do for Nightly News what he did for the West Wing: in a high place, find the pizazz, sex and moral struggle between base motives and a higher purpose and lay it all bare for viewers, as though we are ogling through a keyhole at well-drawn characters who operate at a pace the camera struggles to catch.

Sorkin knows exactly what he is doing, God knows he is a huge talent, but imposing a moral premise on TV news is like pasting hair on a hairless dog. The idea of a struggle for the heart and soul of Television news is ridiculous at face value: of course the ratings game has wrecked the joint. Put another way, I know West Wing and TV News: and "Newsroom"; you are no West Wing. The only place that gets Television news right is the "Daily Show" which gives the appropriate comedic frame. (Speaking of which, here is an idea for Sorkin: in season 2 -- change "The Newsroom" to a fictional comedy news channel and you have a horse to run.)

In "The Newsroom", the ensemble cast are all talented, but it is dismal to watch actors papering over the premise's weakness by overacting each blessed moment. (Interestingly, in contrast, the actors in "Veep" -- the HBO comedy about a fictional vice president's office with echoes of the West Wing standard -- play their roles muted to a comedic fault except for the lead, Julia Dreyfus, who plays like a dingbat Auntie Mame.)

In "The Newsroom", the romantic sub-plots work overtime to paper over the implausibility of the premise. No matter how well staged, the romantic tension is thin gruel. The actors are pushing as hard as they can, like the Little Train That Could.

There is one reason to keep watching: Jeff Daniels. A phenomenal talent who made interesting choices throughout a distinguished career as a stage and film actor, a musician, and writer, this is his first lead on a TV series. Daniels' character is the implausible heart of the series -- the lead anchor-- , and it is fascinating to watch Daniels inhabit the role completely. If building a TV series around excavating the heart of a true news man on Television in defiance of the decay wrapped in the trappings of wealth doesn't work, it is not Daniel's fault for trying.

Daniels is one of the best and least visible actors of his generation. I can't think of anyone else -- maybe Sam Shepherd -- who has built an acting career on his own terms; darting in and out of the major leagues from a home base in theater and music. But unlike Shepherd, Daniels never went through the leading man mill. He has toiled on the margins of fame; a superb character actor with a wicked comedic streak. I adore that comedic streak, of course. One would be dumb, not to.

But maybe that is what Daniels fled from. Maybe he had been shown a hundred TV sitcoms and rejected every one until a writer of Sorkin's stature and talent came calling with a Serious character and a Serious lead role. It's too bad the premise is so wrong. I get what Sorkin is attempting. I appreciate HBO making the choice and putting Jeff Daniels in the slugger position. To HBO: as hard as it is to know you shut down "Luck" and are letting "The Newsroom" limp into a second season; make it a comedic "Daily Show" newsroom. If Jeff Daniels does it, you will have a hit.

Could Any Glenn Who Spells His Name With Two "N's" Ever Be Right? By Geniusofdespair

Glenn Garvin is always wrong, on just about everything he writes for the Miami Herald. He panned the Housewives of Miami. I thought to myself, how could he? There has to be something redeeming about 6 Miami plastic surgery aficionados especially when one is named Echevarria, wife of Hialeah power broker Herman Echevarria.

I caught 10 minutes of the show. Cristy Rice was insufferable and that is being kind. Nothing annoys me more than a Cuban saying "We Cubans made Miami" and that is exactly what Cristy said. Even if it were true, it is disrespectful to the rest of the community. I agree that Cubans made great contributions to Miami but come on Cristy, use your brain. Oops sorry I forgot, you don't have one. Then three of the housewives were in anguish over showing up too early for a fashion show. So in this instance Glenn (with 2 N's) I have to hand it to you, your review was on the money:

There’s a scene in The Real Housewives Of Miami in which the bell of authenticity chimes incessantly: A Housewife gazes into the camera to offer a triumphant self-definition. “People call me the Cuban Barbie!” she boasts, then adds wistfully: “Poor Barbie. I mean, she’s a doll. She couldn’t talk. So nobody knew how smart or how dumb she was.” Not a problem with this show.

Television is better than the movies ... Yes it is true (give it up for "Eastbound and Down"!) ... by gimleteye

It's summer and the movies are here. I just read through the New York Times film reviews on Friday and couldn't find a single movie I wanted to see. Over the past several years, this is increasingly the case: big summer movies are small attractions.

I'm a fan of Judd Apatow. It is not that I don't appreciate humor that plumbs body parts and efflorescence for treasure. I like excrement jokes as much as the next guy. But boy men who finally confront adulthood: I got it the first time. Not even Woody Allen's new movie, or at least its NY Times review, with Larry David inspires me.

And Larry David might be the point of this essay because I really do love the HBO show, "Curb Your Enthusiasm" created by and starring Mr. David. (The rabbi, the wish, and the dry cleaning lady) Here is the point:

Somehow, television figured out that the time-- as the case of episodes-- can draw in audiences through complexity of plot and characters, and do so more consistently that film. The network routine was to send stick figures through 13 episodes a season to reliable deliver product for advertisers. You went to the movie theater to find dramas that were more complex and "unsuitable" for network TV.

Cable television scrambled that equation. The for-pay channels figured out that network TV had ceded plot and character development. That's what audiences want.

I used to wait for movies that offered stories and characters with depth and drive; focused by having to keep audiences riveted for at least 90 minutes. All that changed with Hollywood economics tied to blockbuster budgets, surefire sequels and the need to tailor films so that they would cross-pollinate with large and diverse international markets. The result: mostly horrible.

Larry David, one of the originators of Seinfeld, uses the long format series to brilliant effect in "Curb Your Enthusiasm". The show is unafraid to take its time, over many hours, to plumb the intricacies of a Woody Allen-ish character and his life in Hollywood as a comedy writer for television. One of the more interesting features of the series: film stars who make guest appearances on the show in character and opposite from audience expectation of familiar fictional roles. I rarely watched "Friends" but couldn't wait for David Schwimmer in "Curb".

In terms of reversing expectations, the main feature of the new television is simply that fine writers for cable TV use the episode structure for more than sticking advertisers and their products to viewers. Unfortunately, network television has succumbed nearly completely to the cost factor. I can't watch reality TV shows. I'm lost to "Lost". But I will admit to succumbing to the insufferable Keifer Sutherland and over-wrought "24". It tries and succeeds in the long-format. (Damn you, Rupert Murdoch!)

"Sopranos", another HBO show, kept us riveted for years. So did "The Wire". I'm a fan of "In Treatment". I pray for the best show that never made it through a full season on HBO, "Eastbound and Down", to return ASAP. (You can see its glorious six episodes by clicking into the website, surfthechannel.com) Even lighter fare, like "Entourage" and the "Tudors", takes advantage of what the extensions of time can offerlow brow plots and characters who don't stretch far but do so luxuriously. I miss "Deadwood" and even "John from Cincinnati" from the strange and brilliant David Milch.

So, the value is on the cable television side of the divide with film. In recent seasons, HBO has competition. There is the emergence of rivals Showtime ("Dexter", fantastic, "Weeds", so-so last season) and the AMC Channel ("Mad Men", outstanding, and my new favorite, "Breaking Bad", a marvel).

The point is: this summer if you want to be entertained you will do better and cheaper than going to the movie theater: rent the DVD.

Yes, I had a Nielsen Box on My TV. By Geniusofdespair

On March 26th I ran a puzzle post that Julio won. Where are you Julio? Yes, it was a Nielsen remote that I was pressing with my thumb for over a year. I promised I would tell more about what it was like to be a Nielsen TV rater. Here is my confession.

When they came to my house and made the offer, I have to say I was intrigued. I had this vision of leaving the TV on all day tuned into every worthwhile program I could think of, while avoiding Fox News like the plague. Well it wasn't to be. You actually had to watch the programs. When you started watching TV and about every 45 minutes thereafter, if you didn't press their button a bank of red lights would start flashing so you couldn't possibly watch TV. It started with just a little blink and soon moved on to a rapid fire rate. I tried to catch it really early because the rapid fire was pretty bad: You had to press to stop the distraction. If you weren't watching, the button wouldn't get pressed and Nielsen would not record what you were watching. So basically, I had to press a button every 45 minutes of TV watching. Geez, I actually had to watch the shows I wanted rated which meant that pie-in-the-sky quality TV watching never happened.

If I didn't press the button (sometimes I skipped out, during a commercial, to the computer and got delayed, leaving the red lights flashing for an hour or two) they would call me the next day to remind me to press the button.

The Nielsen people were very nice, it wasn't a bad experience, they went out of their way to make us happy. They tried to hide their equipment as much as possible, there were a couple of boxes and a shitload of wires. Every night about 3 a.m. the equipment would call Nielsen over my phone line and download the sound information. Apparently every channel has a unique sound and that is how they know what I am watching (I could be making this up, and you wouldn't know would you?).

The button pressing became second nature after awhile. I found myself reaching for the remote for weeks after the boxes were removed from all our TVs. I also still have pangs of guilt. Yes, every time I tuned into a shitty show I said to myself "Don't give this show ratings" but I watched it anyway. I had no willpower.

You know those two shows with the plots that have not made any sense for two years, Lost and Heroes? Yes, I helped their ratings. I don't know, it became a habit watching them and I couldn't stop. Now that I am gone, you can lop off about 20,000 people.

When I was young, I always thought "Who are all those stupid people with Nielsen boxes? Why are all these bad shows popular?" Well, now I know why. When I was sick I gave the home remodeling show, Flip this House and the Miami Tatoo Parlor show Miami Ink some mega-ratings. I am sorry America. Forgive me, in my defense: I never watched Fox News.

Now you know, I don't just blog. So all of you who tell me, "Get a life" I have an oddball one going here thank you very much.