Monday, May 16, 2011

May 21st: Are You Rapture Ready? By Geniusofdespair

I am definitely not rapture ready. I forgot all about it today and I inadvertently bought a new car. What a colossal waste of money. What am I going to do with it after the rapture? Well at least you can get prepared.

There is now a pet care service for after the rapture, you can register your pet now. You don't expect them to go to heaven with you, do you? Networks of non-Christians are forming and they will care for your pets.

If you are left behind to "endure the great tribulation", here is a personal message for you. Did you want to find out what will happen 7 years after the rapture, you can find out here. Hint, there are angels involved. There is also a post rapture post site. They say:

Just write your letter and it will be hand-delivered immediately following the exodus of the pure from the Earth. But you must be thinking to yourself, "How can the letters be delivered after the Rapture?" The answer is simple. The creators of this site are Atheists.

Finally you can get rapture insurance. The internet comes in handy doesn't it? Oh, one more thing, reader Cato reminds us all to vote early BEFORE the rapture.


Anonymous said...

Good to know where I can arrange for my dog to go afterwards! LOL.

CATO said...

I can relieve you of all your wordly possesions including that new car to insure you are RAPTURE READY, free of charge. It is the only christian thing I can do for you.

So if the rapture does come on may 21st and a christian who "dissapears" voted early or AB will that vote be counted by Lester Solas? Is Lester Solas a true believer if so who will count the votes?
I'm sure most of the commissioners will still be available on earth.

Geniusofdespair said...

Thanks Cato- I will vote today to beat out the rapture. I think I will keep the car just in case.

JESUS said...

its been over 2,000 years have you folks ever considered that I may not be coming back, neither is Menachem Schneerson or Ronald Reagan.

Regardless I will bodly predict that some day in the future this blog the county commission and the earth will cease to exist.

CATO said...

G.O.D. Don't Worry about beating out the rapture your probably hanging with me right here you heathen.

Maybe we can carpool to work in the fires of hell in that new car of yours?

Anonymous said...

Okey Folks:

We're all mesmerized with all this media and anchient theology of the rapture on the 21st day of May. All this time we hear spoken from the pulpit: heaven or hell--which is it?---It's right here on the face of earth even Dade County.
Corruption, bribery, egotistical
politicans, businessmen, lobbists,
ponzi & usury scam artists all add
to what is called "HELL"

Heaven is ethics,statesmanship, good moral-fiber,equality,trans-
parency,honesty, etc. iT'S ALL A STATE OF THOUGHT & ACTION--a state of consciousness!


Anonymous said...

Bible talks about ...when a web covers the earth. Kind of creepy.

I tend not to joke about these things, but I have to confess, I giggled a little when I saw the Rapture Pet Care sign.