My mother-in-law is going to be 103 in a few days, except she is more like a cranky 7 year old. The only difference is the adult guilt-giving is still intact. Joy is absent from her being. It left her about 5 years ago. She is not senile, she still reads the Miami Herald and she remembers very well what we were supposed to do for her and what her aides haven't done for her. She is so self-focused she barely has any other interest which makes it difficult to be around her. The birthday party is a dutiful affair.One correlation I saw, the more focused she got on herself and her daily needs, the less her life had meaning and the more miserable she became.
My advice, if you are annoying, don't live past 100...make that 95. Better yet, learn now to be more tolerant because you will only get worse as you age and people will start writing blog posts about you to vent their frustration.
15 comments:
Excellent post.
Why thank you Gimleteye!
She reads the Miami Herald and that makes her NOT senile? Isn't it the other way around?
I think elder parents are giving us back some of what we gave them in our youth. It's that circle of life thing.
She is quite bright and cute, though cranky. She won't be around forever.
I want to come to your mother in law's 103rd party!
sign me Truly Blue
I am very happy about your mother in law's age as I have always said that I intend to reach 103. es, I think I will be cranky, but I will be so happy to see my grandchildren and great grandchildren.
I appreciate your brutal honesty - I have seen that type of behavior when I volunteered at a homeless shelter: a normally sweet, friendly but very old woman "regular" came in one day and suddenly was mean, selfish, and what you described - lacking joy. It was like a light had gone off. The we learned she had not taken her "meds" that day. I think bipolar drugs or antidepressants. My feeling is that aging takes away some kind of chemical that enables you to relate to other people. If she has decent medical coverage, maybe you can take her to a doc who would know? She must be miserable.
The ones who think she's senile because she reads the Herald, are wrong. You obviously haven't seen one of today's cover stories: "Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo get engaged."
It's all the contrary, guys, reading the Herald really proves that you're on infantile stage -- and a reader even asked if the Herald is now Seventeen magazine. LOL Genius, sorry to tell you mom-in-law's right on track. I'll bet you anything that this is the reason she's so cranky... have you ever since a kind who doesn't throw tantrums?
I know teenagers who are cranky and hormonal. Would I rather be around other people? sure, but I love them anyway, because they laugh at the darndest things. They make me remember what it was like to be young and idealistic and stupid.
Old isn't usually idealistic.
Good luck at the party for the 103 mother in law. I divorced my mother in law and my husband so I am much happier!
Well if you want to know things like how many depends the aide used on her last night...welcome to my world.
I tried to get her meds but she took them for two days and then yelled at me for accusing her of being depressed.
I wished my mother had lived to be 103. She knew how to live, be happy and really appreciate others. She was a joy to be around, was a major warm fuzzy distributor, and you always felt better when you left her. People came from miles around just to "visit" with her. I think a lot of people are just unhappy, don't know how to be happy, and are psychologically incapable of enjoying life. Hints to the wise: Find happiness, it is internal and intrinsic unrelated to money, material things, positions or external life circumstances. Program yourself for it now.
Poor Genius, I feel for you. Just know that she will not live forever, and that one day you will have your piece of mind back. Have lots of wine at her birthday bash, you deserve it!
Lots of good advice readers...thanks!
probably what seems selfish and self-focused, is what has made her live past 100! She is aware and taking a an active role in her self-preservation .
I've been thinking about this post for a couple of days now.
At one point, I was caring for my non-verbal autistic son and my mother, who had Alzheimer's, at the same time.
They were both in pull-ups, both needed help eating, bathing and dressing. My mother called me mama.
As much as I loved my mother, her lack of ability seemed to aggravate me more easily than my son's. Where are you mom, when I still need you?
I can't imagine living to the age of 103. You mother in-law has probably seen most of the people she loved die. Imagine how much the world has changed since she was born. I guess there are a couple of approaches to the slide to helplessness.. embrace the fog or rage against the inevitable.
Maybe she's so self-absorbed is because she otherwise feels superfluous. It must me hard to be the last man standing of your generation.
Thank you Jill, your comments will help people cope. You are inspiring to me...
Post a Comment