So you want to be a US Senator? by gimleteye

Hi, my name is Mark. I'm a political consultant from Missouri, and I'd like to help you become the next US Senator (or other political office) from (blank). My background is online gaming, and with my team of dedicated and proven programmers, we've designed an easy-to-use, online program to guide you to be an elected official, all the way from the process of deciding-- first, what you stand for-- to winning your election.

Our product is called Excalibur and our packages are available in four levels: from bronze, silver, gold, to platinum. These modules are popularly priced and will provide access to the kinds of skilled professional help that deliver proven results. No more "cottage" industries filled with operators of questionable character. At Excalibur, our professionals represent whatever part of the political spectrum appeals to you, the client. In fact, our entry level bronze module guides you through the steps-- available in easy-to-read multiple choice questions-- to determine what you represent. Using our software program for campaigning will save you time and money. At our silver level, we take you through the various steps of learning how to do interviews with newspapers. At gold, you will learn the in's and out's of the television interview.

By the time you will have reached our platinum module, you will be connected through cloud computing so you and your team can access real time data for any aspect of your campaign. Want to know where your volunteers are, at any time of day or night? Our GPS equipped cell phones can get you there. You could be on the phone with a donor who is online, for example, and if that donor promises to send you money but doesn't click the "send" key, you will have the option to send pop-up buttons as polite reminders, randomly or at a time of your free choice.

At our gold level, you will also have access to online chat with qualified consultants and pollsters at any time of day or night. We have an entertainment section for nights away from home when difficult phone calls from the campaign trail keep you awake at night. And if you're hungry, our mapping feature features the nearest restaurant of your free choice.

Let's take one example. Mitch, from Tampa. Mitch has been thinking about running for elected office in Florida, ever since the 2010 race when it seemed anyone could do a better job. So, for $49.99 Mitch bought our Excalibur Bronze level including Decision Tree for Public Office. We start with getting to know you: what is your age, your race, your religion. What are your interests, your level of education, and how do you earn your money. Do you want to be a local official, like a city or county commissioner, do you want to be a state legislator, or do you want to run for national office? Based on your answers to the Decision Tree, and your location and geography established by our IP locator, we then offer you a list of affiliate business and civic organizations for you to apply to, to gain credentials that will serve on your political resume which automatically is updated as you check off our Bronze Level Steps to Success. The final step of this module leads to the Silver module, for $499, where you will instantly be provided both demographics for the district where you want to run and the average total money you will need to raise to win the race of your choosing.

With your unique ID and login, you will begin to prepare for the donor/campaign fundraising database and issues platform. At the silver level, we will provide you with easy-to-read and condensed bullet points of arguments, pro and con, across a range of policy issues. Based on a simple multiple question format, you will define the issues that are important to you and we will provide you with a list of likely voters in the district where you will be running.

Let's go back to Mitch from Tampa. Mitch was laid off from his job as an air traffic controller at Tampa International Airport and decided to use his pension to run for public office. Although Mitch is a single, 42 year old cross=dresser who frequently smoked marijuana in high school, Excalibur helped define Mitch's winning strategy. Our introductory $49.99 Decision Tree for Public Office determined that Mitch's lifestyle inclinations gave him a 5% chance of winning in Florida as a social liberal and so we both pointed MItch in the winning direction-- a pro life, pro gun fiscal and Christian conservative-- plus provided Mitch with a list of local business organizations that put him on their board. This only took A FEW WEEKS. as Mitch checked off the completion of his online goals, Excalibur offered the kind of encouragement that is needed to succeed in public life.

Mitch decided to take the next step, to Excalibur Silver for $499, where armed with the right credentials and talking points, Mitch determined his best chance for elected office was Congress. Using our online database of community events, Mitch made sure he was seen and heard. Our videotape series of authentic actors speaking in front of live audiences helped sharpen Mitch's understanding of how to use the space of time to fill with prepackaged information on cutting taxes and entitlement programs and eliminating wasteful regulations. Our unique "Assess Your Opposition", also in multiple choice question format, provided Mitch with the confidence. Plus, with Excalibur Gold, Mitch received free membership to the Heartland Foundation and the American Enterprise Institute. At the silver level, Mitch opened his campaign account and with one blast email was surprised to find $2500 had accumulated by the end of the first 24 hour period from donors around the country who had learned of Mitch's strong capabilities through our exclusive Excalibur donor matching system. A year later, Mitch was ready for the next big step.

At Excalibur Gold, for $4999, we provide templates for 30 second TV spots based on your personally chosen preferences. We also provide, through question and answer-- an interactive feature that allows you to modify templates and an analysis by professional journalists. Your ads for television will be rated by our exclusive Excalibur system and provides you with a rating that places you with similarly rated candidates, at similar races in different states, through a social networking site funded by Excalibur in connection with the American Heritage Foundation. The top five candidates rated, will receive an all-expenses paid trip to New York City to attend a seminar in civic responsibility, hosted by the News Corporation.

Two years ago, Mitch from Tampa took the big leap. Our Platinum level at $49,999 is available to pre-screened candidates who are busy professionals. We provide, at this level of service, full access to our locally oriented focus group marketing department, our television ad production, and to the Excalibur Candidate Training Center in Boulder, Colorado where real-time simulators take you through every step of the election process. You will have three one-to-one sessions with Fox News journalists who will perform and "critique" mock interviews and news segments, resulting in a polished and professional presentation.

Today Mitch from Tampa leads the polls for US Senate from Florida. Everyone knows his name, what he stands for, and who he represents: the people of Florida. Thanks to Excalibur, that $49.99 investment has paid off in a campaign that has raised more than $15 million and vaulted Mitch to the top ranks of the Big League. As US Senator from Florida, the nation can expect great things from Mitch and you can, too. Mastercard and Visa accepted, just click here.