Things my parents told me. By Geniusofdespair

My mother told me she "was going to hit me from here to Canarsie." I had no idea where Canarsie was, nor did I ask. I just knew I didn't want to go there. Later on when I found out it was in Brooklyn and I lived in Queens, it made no sense. When explaining the facts of life my mom began with "There are birds and bees..." and ended with "Even the pope's mother did it". She often warned me about the starving children in Europe when I wasn't eating my food. I actually didn't care a lick about them at 7 years old.

I didn't understand why she was getting very, very fat. And then what happens? There was a new kid on the block - my brother - and she was skinny again. No one told me I was getting a sibling. He was just there. My father told me there was a bridge over the Atlantic Ocean. My teacher was not impressed. My father also told me I was Chinese. I am not but I believed I was and told everyone. My father once sent me into the kosher butcher and told me to buy a pound of ham. I was only a little kid and the butchers started to yell at me when I asked for it and threw me out of the store. My father was laughing hysterically when I got back in the car.

I believed in the stork, the tooth fairy and Santa Claus. I believed Flash Gordon was really in space and that the ice cream man would always come. I believe in a lot of good, the glass was always half full -- even with zany parents -- that is why I write this blog I have faith things can change, after all, I am not Chinese anymore.