From The New Yorker:
SOCHI (The Borowitz Report)—Russian President Vladimir Putin said today that gay spectators should feel welcome at the upcoming Winter Olympics but warned them against “any flamboyant displays that draw unnecessary attention to themselves.”
“The Olympics have always been, and should always be, about the athletes,” President Putin said. “Any attempt by homosexuals to flaunt their bodies in a way that is distracting, provocative, or arousing will be frowned upon.”
“Specifically, gay spectators should remain fully clothed at all times, and resist the temptation to unveil their chiseled biceps or shredded abdominals,” he said.
“Furthermore,” he added, “under no circumstances should gays oil, grease, or otherwise lubricate their torsos in an effort to highlight their glistening, ripped pectorals.”
He closed his remarks with one final warning for gay spectators in Sochi: “Remember, this is the Olympics. It is strictly forbidden for you to expose your thighs, buttocks, or especially your nipples, erect from the frigid Russian air.”
“The Olympics have always been, and should always be, about the athletes,” President Putin said. “Any attempt by homosexuals to flaunt their bodies in a way that is distracting, provocative, or arousing will be frowned upon.”
“Specifically, gay spectators should remain fully clothed at all times, and resist the temptation to unveil their chiseled biceps or shredded abdominals,” he said.
“Furthermore,” he added, “under no circumstances should gays oil, grease, or otherwise lubricate their torsos in an effort to highlight their glistening, ripped pectorals.”
He closed his remarks with one final warning for gay spectators in Sochi: “Remember, this is the Olympics. It is strictly forbidden for you to expose your thighs, buttocks, or especially your nipples, erect from the frigid Russian air.”
7 comments:
Love your post. Beat them with they're own BS statements.
Don't forget to include the photos of Putin swimming in a polluted glacier.
bwaahhaa..love andy!
Putin's man boobs rock
If American gays don't try to recruit Russian teens, they want have any problems over there.
You should have also shown that famous picture of Odumbo at the beach with his giant moobs.
This is why we fought the Crimean War against Photius Heresy
so they could never Bystra Paris again! That is why Cuomo
Environmentles are exterminating Tchaikovsky swans for being
too agressive. Putin’s tax, gay and oil policies are almost
as bad as Sarah Palin’s. Putin should have violated constituional
term limits just like Bloomberg. Does Yanukovich think he is Morsi?
CNOOC should have been allowed to buy Unocal just like Exxon and
Chevron tried to buy Yukos. We have no problems with pussy riots
in St Patricks as long as they abuse children Alexander's hangover
has finally worn off. Charlemagne and Jagiello beware mermaids
turning Danube into limestone with paraplastic phytotherm tufa
stromatolite while Alexandria librarians infest Vatican archives
with periplastic trichomonas termopsidis!
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