I want my fiscal stimulus. Etc. ... by gimleteye

Dear Members of Congress,

The following request for a fiscal stimulus could rescue our nation. I believe my stimulus request is on solid ground in comparison to the distribution of moneys from the Treasury-- that would be moneys I have already paid and new debt incurred side-by-side my fellow Americans. God bless us all.

My background briefing paper is brief: I am a middle-aged white male. I own my own house. I own my own cars. I pay my credit cards on time. I have no long-term debt.

Ten years ago I worked for a bank whose stock price was 50 and is now 2, where I helped clients build their net worth. I walked away from wealth management in 1999 after one of the corporation's top executives yammered on the squawk box for Worldcom at $54 per share. His exact words, encouraging us to tout the stock to our clients, "Back the truck to the dock and load it in." I wouldn't do that.

When the Federal Reserve lowered interest rates after 9/11, I was tempted to chunk into a bigger house, but I didn't think it was prudent at the time. I never believed in leverage and never chased assets whose values I didn't understand. (please click 'read more')

Buying is the easy part. The moment of truth for any investor is when to sell. Knowing when to sell separates the men and women from the boys and the girls. I didn't buy into the bubbles because I know my weakness: I'm not very good at selling. That brings me to the present.

I have read my local government's wish list of "shovel ready" projects to receive fiscal stimulus funds from the Treasury; again, out of moneys I have paid and obligations I will owe once the new moneys are printed and spent. Next to my fellow Americans, God bless us all. These are from a list of projects to be submitted to the state of Florida by the local Metropolitan Planning Organization in Miami.

These shovel ready projects include, verbatim: "converting existing co-street angle parking to parallel parking and to provide for a dedicated left turn storage bay where none presently exist", and, "new sidewalks, street canopy, lighting, street furniture and pedestrian amenities". They include many, many paving contracts; the kind that trigger road rage when insufficient traffic capacity is choked down to frustrate millions of commuters while providing a living for a handful of construction worker types and profits to cement and asphalt suppliers who contribute to political campaigns.

The first claims to create 60 jobs and the second, 95, as measured by "Estimated Number of Jobs Created by Project (design, project management construction, and installation, etc."

So here is my fiscal stimulus list and estimated jobs.

First, during the housing boom I did remodel a bathroom. I hired a 5 star contractor. An Alan Greenspan of small construction jobs. I am now aware ($600) that his subcontractor mismatched dimmer switches to transformers for the ceiling lights, which burned out. Fortunately our house did not catch on fire. Thank God, and God bless all Americans. The cost of replacing the switches, transformers, and recessed lighting is $2500. The estimated number of jobs created by this project is 7.

Second, exterior lighting. For years, my wife has wanted night-time lighting to illuminate the bamboo and shade trees around our house. We bought some lights at Home Depot, etc. ($210.23) but they were too cheesy. They are now buried in our attic waiting for the yard sale. We hired a lighting designer ($750) who drew up lighting plans. But my first duty as fiduciary was to my three children in schools. Etc. Please make a good woman happy. Cost for lighting, $12,000. Estimated number of jobs created by this project is 21. Our garage needs a new roof. Estimated number of jobs created by this project. 33. This will also include some interior drywall repair.

Lastly, windows. The ones the builder installed in the 1920's work well except for some aging hardware ($341.39 plus tax). On the other hand, I worry about hurricanes. More so, with global warming, burping permafrost, sea level rise, etc. In anticipation of the opportunity cost of hours on the phone with our insurance agent who we will not reach because he has fled the state. Etc.: cost of adding storm protection windows to our existing windows, $25,000. Estimated number of jobs created by this project: 122.

Dear Members of Congress, the investment of approximately $40,000 in my stimulus plan will not only create nearly one hundred seventy jobs, it approximates what homeowners in my area who can't afford their homes will receive, or the banks will take from good Americans, God bless us all, to prevent our own home values from falling like a stone. Thank God, etc. I don't owe banks, don't have exorbitant past financial burdens, have paid all my traffic tickets. I have nothing to ask, except for what I need. And I say to you, I need it now.

My urgency is driven by feeling, in part, that I have been a dunce in calibrating my moral compass to avoid financial mistakes. So think of me as a really good deal, with really good credit, without a whiff of fraud. I recycle. I'm the silver lining in your cloud. And if you can't think of me that way, just give me the silver.

With all due respect,

Your humble servant, etc.