Miami Herald Slashing More of the Paper? By Geniusofdespair

If the Miami Herald loses anymore pages, it might just become one big ad depository, and the word on the street is: More pages are to be slashed very soon to save money, of course.

I read this scholarly book called “Money Secrets” that explained the Herald’s philosophy for all its ridiculous changes over the years. "Money Secrets" was written by Pulitzer Prize winning author and scholar: Dave Barry.

To quote generously from the tome:
“For decades now newspaper readership has been steadily going down. A Major reason is that young people don’t read newspapers. And over those decades, newspaper executives have tried many times to solve the problem.” (I had to cut a few jokes). Barry said: “The solution the newspaper executives always come up with - after hiring consultants, doing extensive surveys, and holding many meetings - is to appeal to younger people. They always try to do this via a two pronged approach:”

“Prong one: Do fewer stories about heavy boring topics such as the world, and more stories about topics that, in the view of middle-aged newspaper executives, are of interest to young people who do not read newspapers. These youth-oriented topics include extreme sports, video games, hip-hop music, skateboarding celebrities, tattoos, celebrity tattoos and extreme skateboarding hip-hop video-game celebrities with tattoos.

Prong two: Give the paper a jazzier, more youthful look by publishing more graphics, more bold colors, and more pictures of interest to young people would not pick up a newspaper if their lives depended on it. Make stories shorter. Makes sentences shorter, Use shorter words. Like this. If you must write about the world, write about countries with short names, such as Chad.”

Barry says this two pronged approach always produces the same results:

“Result one: Older people, the ones who actually read the newspaper, notice that their newspaper is starting to read like a cross between The National Enquirer and a comic book, and that it contains an inordinate number of stories about topics they have no interest in, such as hip hop video skateboarding in Chard. Some of these older readers become disgusted and cancel their subscriptions.

Result two: Younger people pay no attention whatsoever, because as we have noted, they do not read newspapers.”

Barry said this scenario is repeated over and over again in the newspaper business and always produces the same results: Loss of readership. He blames the state of affairs on Newspaper Executives that “display the intelligence of soybeans” when they get together and the toxic wood furniture in Newspaper Board rooms.

Very funny, but, sadly, very true. Our newspaper, the great Miami Herald is being destroyed by itself, and I guess it is better to laugh with Dave Barry than to cry. I say: "Don't take more pages away Miami Herald!"